Many spouses ignore for years the alarms of discontent that their partner has been ringing. None of the complaints sounded like they might end up being causes for divorce (link is external). When their spouse “suddenly” announces that he or she is moving out, wants to end the marriage, or even has filed already for divorce, the ground below shakes like an earthquake. Is there any way, at that last-ditch point, to stop a divorce?
Ted announced on Friday to his wife Maria (names changed for confidentiality) that he wanted a divorce. Maria was shocked. She had no idea that her husband had been so unhappy. Yes, he had complained of this and that, but don’t all husbands complain? By Monday morning however Maria had made a decision. She would do all she could to stop the divorce. Here’s the 7 strong steps that she and I (the therapist she went to for help) mapped out together for her.
Prepare for action
If you are serious about wanting to stop a divorce, as soon as posisble, soothe the panic, skip the moping, and make an action plan. The steps below will guide you to a strong start.
Smother the urge to play victim
“How could you do this to me?” may express how you feel, but it’s likely to be a loser strategy for regaining your spouse’s affection. Guilting your partner into returning will just win back, if it wins anything, a depressed “I hate being here again” spouse. Not a good way to stop a divorce.