Is your dating style passive or aggressive?
When it comes to dating, everyone has a style. Some people are the hunters, the seekers, and the aggressors while some people are hunted, the sought, and the passive. Some of these differences have to do with your personality, the place you are in your life, and the dating environment in the town you live in, as well as many other factors.
Do you tend to act more passively or aggressively when it comes to dating? Is this dating style hindering your ability to find love? Each style can have a negative or positive impact on your dating success. So what are the positives and negatives of each style?
Passive daters used to be assumed to be women while men tended to be the aggressive ones. This seems to no longer be the case. However, both men and women sometimes lean towards a more passive dating style. In Atlanta, men tend to be more passive because of the sheer volume of successful, attractive, single women. Some men no longer feel the need to be the hunter and prefer to let the women take the dating reigns. In other cities where there is an abundance of handsome, successful single men, the opposite is true and women tend to be more passive. Or some people are just so attractive that they don’t feel the need to have to try anymore. Some people are also more passive due to being less outgoing or more reserved, as well as many other personality and cultural factors, including the way you were raised and the values that were instilled in you. Passivity is also contributed to by people being in a place in life where they aren’t really seeking to date seriously or don’t have the time or need to “look” for love.
Passive dating serves the passive person by letting interested people come to them. They do not have to work very hard and are often just as successful as the general dating pool. A lot of the time these are the people who “found love when they weren’t looking”. But when is being too passive a bad thing? For women it happens mainly when you aren’t putting yourself out there. Men don’t want to try to make you open up, and most modern men actually appreciate a woman who wants to be an equal participant. For men, being passive signals to a woman either a lack of confidence, or the fact that you must have so many dating interests that you don’t take the time to “woo” them. Women for the most past, even the most successful ones, still want to feel courted.
Aggressive dating used to be contributed to men taking the traditional man role and hunting down their mate. While there is definitely still aggressive dating in men, women are more often starting to take the same role and are active in their pursuit of a love interest. For instance, women tend to be more aggressive in Atlanta and many other major cities. They are becoming more go-getters and are less inclined to sit back and compete for a man. They will just go get him! The women’s lib movement as well as the increased acceptance of a woman expressing her sexuality has thrust women into seeking out sex and love. Men who are aggressive are sometimes just following cultural norms. However, sometimes it is because they are at a stage where a relationship is really important and they are ready to settle down. It can also be because they are aggressively pursuing other women and are playing each one.
Aggressive dating has different implications for each gender. For women, it has the advantage of putting yourself out there, snagging the man you want, and taking charge of your life. However, be careful in your approach when it comes to dating. If you are too aggressive you can come across as needy, pushy, or desperate. For men, women like a man who seeks them out and makes them feel special and desired. It is a very comfortable and familiar role for many women. However, the same as for women, coming on too strong can be seen as desperate and can be a turn off for many women. Sometimes, we can also see through your motives if you are dating many different women at once.
For everyone who is in a place to be looking for love, dating is an exhausting, confusing, and time-consuming process. However, it can also be exhilarating, fun, and full of opportunities. How successful your passive or aggressive style is depends on many factors. Take some time to ask yourself if your general style is helping you to find love, or keeping it at arm’s length. If it is hindering you, take a look at why and how you can lean more towards a balanced style. In any case, the best advice is to be yourself. When you do find love, then your partner will have fallen in love with the true you.