Things to do to make your marriage work

This is a list of marriage rules and reminders—all of which, we hope, are cheaper and more fun than therapy.

No fisticuffs in public

Take this example: We were at a picnic with a group of friends when the wife of one of the couples present casually announced that she had bought their family a house. In another country. Without consulting the husband. He turned about 14 shades of red, and they began fighting at the top of their lungs. Cut to everyone else with their heads down, forensically examining their egg-salad sandwiches as though they contained the secrets of the human genome. You do not want to be That Couple Who Ruined the Otherwise Delightful Picnic.

Accept that everybody needs alone time

Sometimes your spouse needs to go to the bathroom for 45 minutes. Look, he’s not going to the bathroom the whole time; he’s trying to get away from you. And that’s OK. Maybe you’re being annoying. Sometimes you can be kind of annoying, you know.

Let your spouse in on 90 percent of your day-to-day routine

Save the other 10 percent for your bathroom time. Sam, for example, will never allow Jason to see her lurching to put on a pair of panty hose, and he never wishes for her to see him struggling to shave the back of his neck. It’s those small things that keep the mystery alive.

When you buy gifts for each other, give them at least a full minute of thought

Sam’s mother once gave her partner a giant meat grinder for Christmas so that one could make her tastier hamburgers. In our opinion, gifts that require someone to perform a household task don’t count as gifts. A present should convey the message “I love you, but most of all, I get you.” Like playing chess or figuring out Facebook privacy settings, delighting a longtime spouse is a genuine challenge—which is what makes it worth the effort.

Ways to organize your family life

Once kids enter the picture, family life gets chaotic quickly. Juggling their schedules, figuring out chores, and getting help from other parents can all make things easier, especially if you use the technology already at your disposal.

Set Up Routines for Nights

Controlling chaos starts the night before. You should set up a nightly routine for your child, so they get the sleep they need, are prepped for morning, and avoid delays to the rest of the day’s schedule. Make a nightly checklist for yourself and for the child which also sets you up for the next morning.

Incentivize Evening Chores and Control Gadget Time

Tying a task to a reward is the oldest trick in the book. Apps like My Job Chart and Choremonster allow you to make chore lists and assign points for completing each task. The points can be redeemed for a reward (which can even include Amazon links you authorize). The kids can then spend these points on any reward of their choice, and even share some with charities. My Job Chart is a webapp with apps for iOS and Android, while Choremonster is a webapp with apps for iOS and Windows Phone.

Rely On Other Parents

Every parent learns very quickly that they need the help of other parents if they are going to get through raising a child. Start or join a parenting co-op. Apart from sharing information and meeting new people, you can even save money on babysitting by taking turns with each other’s kids. You could use a spreadsheet to keep track of the hours people have been babysitting so it’s a fair exchange, but let’s face it, it can’t work that way. Taking care of each other’s kids is a matter of trust, so let the tech take a backseat.

Get a Complete Picture of Family Activities

There are some applications used to do some of the organizational tasks listed above. For example, it imports Google Calendar entries, has its own to-do list and grocery list, and a journal to capture and share family moments. While it has the main features, it doesn’t always have the small nuances that make other apps worth it. For example, there isn’t a reward system to tie to chores or any parental controls.

Top marriage blunders to evade

There are instances where the married life becomes sour and it brings tension in the family. Theese are the valuable tips that should be implemented by the couples in order to avoid this marriage blunders.

Splitting the housework in half

This is often considered the fairest way to split the chores, whether it is washing the dishes or walking the dog. But aiming for half means you are constantly keeping score, making sure that neither of you is getting the short end of the stick, and bickering every time you think you are. Spend too much time fixating on fairness today, and you risk not making it to the long run when things often balance out.

Trying to mind-read and expecting same

This one should be obvious, and yet again, you assume that your spouse knows you need a hug after a bad day at the office. Staying up to resolve an argument all night. Give your spouse the information that one needs, rather than expecting him to know the unknowable.

At a certain point and we have all been there where we just want to be right, whatever it costs. And because someone at our bridal shower advised us to never go to bed angry, we beat up ourselves and our spouses into the wee hours in the name of resolution. But the more we try to resolve, the later it gets and the more exhausted and resentful we become. So yes, go to bed angry sometimes. Get some rest and sleep on it. Reconvene the anger summit in the morning when you’re both more open-minded and less riled up.

Underestimating the power of small changes

Long commute and big house, or shoebox in the city and more time with the kids? When you start to think about one person quitting a job because the demands of housework and childcare are too overwhelming with both partners working, consider the smaller changes that might help first. What if you cooked more meals on the weekend? These makes you overlook big changes that is necessary.

Top things to learn from traditional marriage

Marriage is a traditional institution that has been for years. People have immense faith in it and it marks as an aspect of social civilization. There are many vital things that people can learn for marriage.

Stop blaming

Next time you argue with your partner, drop the shaming, blaming, needing to be right, and really listen without interrupting. Then communicate how you feel, using “I” statements. It’s not your partner’s job to read your mind, guess what you’re thinking, or put words into your mouth. These are huge obstacles to open, honest communication and will guarantee resentment, anger, and frustration in the relationship.

Do adjust

Never begin a sentence with the word ‘you’. Instead start with the word “I” and then share your feelings instead of your thoughts. This is not as easy as it sounds because we all disguise a lot of thoughts as feelings, as in “I feel like you are avoiding me.” Genuine feelings are sad, angry, happy, lonely, frustrated, etc … and sharing your core feelings creates better communication, and more connection and compassion.

Stay together

Take time to have some fun together every day! With today’s hectic schedules, it’s easy to find your marriage at the bottom of the priority list. Take a walk and hold hands (nature calms), couple-cook (food fight!), exercise together (tennis or dancing maybe?) or just collect Daily Joke to share. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but if you make the commitment and effort to laugh together as often as possible, it can sweeten your connection and cement your relationship for life.

Future plan

Create a clear vision of your shared future together. Sit down, listen to each other and write out how you want your future as a couple to look. It’s much easier to create your best relationship together if both people’s needs are voiced, heard and supported by their partner.

Best apps for couples

Valentine’s Day is upon us, and for singletons it can be a pretty rubbish day (actually, it can be a pretty rubbish day for couples if one gets the other a better present or, worse still, if one forgets completely). If you’re looking for a date for Valentine’s Day, you might still be able to find one online (ok, so a day doesn’t give you much time but you never know), by using one of these online dating sites, all of which have companion apps, too.

Match.com

Match.com has a free-to-download app that requires a subscription if you want to send or receive messages and access additional dating features. For one week, you can sign up for £7.99.

You’ll be able to set up your profile to find matches that are nearby, particularly using the ‘Around Me’ feature that lets you know whether there are any Match.com members in your current location.  You can also find matches based on your interests, qualities, and even imperfections.

There’s an Android app or iPhone app available, too.

eHarmony

Another popular online dating service is eHarmony, which also has a free-to-download app. With a free account, you’ll be able to complete a relationship questionnaire and receive your online dating personality profile, as well as upload photos, receive daily compatible matches, send ‘Smiles’ to matches, use ‘Guided Communication’ to speak to your matches (pre-defined Quick Questions, Makes and Breaks and three open ended questions), and then plan dates using Datebook.

If you subscribe, though, you’ll be able to talk to your matches freely, see all of your matches’ photos, use additional features and more. It starts at £14.99 per month.

Again, there’s an Android app or iOS app available.

OkCupid Dating

OkCupid Dating also has a free-to-download app with some free elements available before you have to cough up for a subscription (a month is £7.99).

For free, you’ll be able to take the OkCupid questionnaire and see matches ranked in order of which the app’s algorithm thinks you’re best matched with. You’ll also be able to send and receive messages and like profiles.

By subscribing (it’s called being an A-List member), you can see who likes you, browse profiles invisibly, use advanced search options, see if your match has read your messages and more.

You’ll find the Android app here and the iOS app here.

Top habits of older couples

We all know couples who’ve been married for 30, 40, 50 years or more — and who seem as genuinely happy as they were when they were newlyweds.

They keep up with the changes. Lillian Hellman once said, “People change and forget to tell each other.” When it comes to marriage, that can be risky. The most successful couples really take note of each other’s changes. They do not assume their partner is the same person he or she was 20 years ago, even if there are many similarities. What’s more, they take the time to learn their partner’s goals, dreams and future plans. By keeping in touch with who their partner is at this moment — and looking ahead to who he might become — they secure a truly intimate relationship.

They know how to fight fairly. It’s not that happy couples never argue. Most couples have disagreements. But in a mature relationship, power isn’t defined by winning an argument or getting one’s way. True power comes from knowing how to discuss differences fully and honestly. If you demean your partner when you disagree, and if, at the end of an argument, you do not feel stronger and more intimate than you did before you started — you are not building a stronger, more loving relationship. Successful couples know how to argue with class and dignity. They may disagree, but in the end, they end up understanding — and respecting — their differences.

They find new ways to play. All the research on marital satisfaction shows that couples bond more closely when they do new, innovative activities — instead of getting stuck in the same rut they’ve been in for the past 25 years. Whether it is learning how to sculpt together, opening an inn, signing up for the Peace Corps, or simply helping each other create a healthier lifestyle, any kind of new, enjoyable pursuit can make a couple that feel younger and more in sync — and can invigorate their love.

Ways to avoid divorce

Many spouses ignore for years the alarms of discontent that their partner has been ringing.  None of the complaints sounded like they might end up being causes for divorce (link is external).  When their spouse “suddenly” announces that he or she is moving out, wants to end the marriage, or even has filed already for divorce, the ground below shakes like an earthquake. Is there any way, at that last-ditch point, to stop a divorce?

Ted announced on Friday to his wife Maria (names changed for confidentiality) that he wanted a divorce.  Maria was shocked.  She had no idea that her husband had been so unhappy.  Yes, he had complained of this and that, but don’t all husbands complain?  By Monday morning however Maria had made a decision.  She would do all she could to stop the divorce.  Here’s the 7 strong steps that she and I (the therapist she went to for help) mapped out together for her.

Prepare for action

If you are serious about wanting to stop a divorce, as soon as posisble, soothe the panic, skip the moping, and make an action plan.  The steps below will guide you to a strong start.

Smother the urge to play victim

“How could you do this to me?” may express how you feel, but it’s likely to be a loser strategy for regaining your spouse’s affection.  Guilting your partner into returning will just win back, if it wins anything, a depressed “I hate being here again” spouse. Not a good way to stop a divorce.

Best tips for the perfect wedding

Ensure your special day goes without a hitch with our foolproof advice. From venues to the guest list, we’ve got wedding planning  covered.

Start planning early

You’ve got May 2018 in your mind as the ideal wedding date, but don’t think that means you have to wait two years before you start planning! The earlier you get onto it, the easier, and less stressful it will be as your day approaches. Having a clear plan before you start will help you keep on top of everything and be sure that you don’t forget something important. Insurance, rough guest list numbers and the budget should always be your first three things.

Nail the budget

Don’t spend anything until you’ve set a realistic budget that won’t stretch you too far. It’s a common mistake to forget all the little extras, too – for the budget to work, you need to factor in every detail. Don’t forget to account for additional costs like dress alterations, gifts and beauty expenses. These can all add up!

Helping hands

Although it’s your big day, your friends and family will be more than willing to help and will want to be involved in the planning. By getting help from people you trust, you’re more likely to feel that you can be honest if things aren’t exactly as you want them!

Be selective with the guest list

Sorting the guest list early is important so you can then focus on finding the perfect venue that will cater for your chosen number of guests. Costs per head will most likely be your biggest expense, so don’t be guilt–tripped into inviting people you don’t want to come. It’s the biggest and hardest decision in the whole planning process, but it has to be yours and your h2b’s decision only.

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Best ways to fix your marriage

Although a marriage in trouble is upsetting, it can often be repaired more easily than you think. The honeymoon phase in any committed relationship is not meant to last; eventually it becomes obvious that sharing life with another person requires a special set of skills. Most couples start to come apart because our culture doesn’t teach us how to maintain and strengthen these bonds.

Have high standards

Happy couples have high standards for each other. The most successful couples are those who, even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. Low levels of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship equals a happier couple down the road.

Focus on the positives

In a happy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship as negative ones. For example, We laugh a lot as opposed to “We never have any fun. A good marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make regular deposits to your emotional bank accounts.

Learn to repair and exit the argument

Happy couples have learned how to exit an argument, or how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Examples of repair attempts: using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark making it clear you are on common ground; backing down and, in general, offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way. If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

Soften your start up

Arguments often “start up” because one partner escalates the conflict by making a critical or contemptuous remark. Bringing up problems gently and without blame works much better.

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Best tips for blissful marriage

Everyone walks down the aisle dreaming of their happily ever after, but maintaining a happy marriage is often easier said than done. One of the most common questions we hear is, How do we make our relationship work? The answers are complicated, varied, and after a while, start to sound like muddled platitudes. Every couple has hard days when someone is just easily annoyed with the other person and it happens which is completely normal. The more important thing is how to get out of those hard days that matter.

Given are the important pointers to remember for a happy marriage:

Discuss money

It may be thought that keeping the odd money-related issue from your spouse is alright but finances have a way of wreaking havoc on even the closest bonds. It is viewed that in most of the couples, complications arrive around matters of money when they complain that their spouse do not say share correct information and hide about money.

Always consult

Being in a relationship basically means you’ve made a merger; you have not only joined assets but inherited the other’s problems as well. Rather than looking at his problems as merely his own, tackle them together. For example, if he’s gaining weight, rather than pushing him to diet on his own, enroll in an exercise program together.

Do fight

In order to have productive arguments, keep these rules in mind: Don’t call your spouse names. When things get really tough, take a break from the argument. Let the other person finish his/her sentences. Don’t initiate a discussion when you’re angry. Misunderstanding between the couples is normal and the final harmony after fight brings them further closer.

Enjoy together

Learn to laugh at yourself and at silly mistakes. If one does something very silly, laughing it off is better than getting angry in the long run. The more you enjoy each other’s companionship and bring humor in some sorts in your life, the more you will get the chance to get closer. Find an activity which both of you can enjoy together and is fun to do.

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